I'm regaining my motivation

Over the past few months of just trying to figure out who I am and especially during the Thailand trip, I made a realization of a very simple, obvious but undiscovered fact - I have a massive skill issue. Ever since 2021 when I started working and life felt all good, I started thinking I'm getting more skilled. It got to a point where I thought I'm skilled at what I do. But I'm not. I am realizing that now. Setbacks in life really put you in your place, and they sure as hell put me in my place.

For months I was not able to focus properly, something just seemed off and I didn't know what it was and sure as hell didn't know when that phase of my life would end. I knew it would end and I'd just end up in good place but I just didn't know when and how. I felt like whatever I did was pretty much useless. My dream from childhood was to be a known person in the programming space, and, yeah, earn shitloads of money. The "programming" was supposed to be a constant thing. Although, during this rough phase, I was honestly doubting my ability to do anything and was seriously considering quitting and doing something low-effort. Ofcourse, low effort doesn't get you money but my point is I was simply tired.

But then I asked myself - if not programming, then what? I honestly was puzzled when I presented myself with that question. I was a very normal kid, with no sports skills, no hobbies, just a person who wanted to be able to code all day. Now that I have the time and ability, I don't do that.

There are many factors to my downfall, and I need time to study them. But I realised that I'm letting too much irrelevant information get to me. The tech world is changing CONSTANTLY. I used to love that aspect of tech. But for whatever reason, I got myself to get into this weird variant of shiny object syndrome where I actually felt whatever I was doing, whether it's JS or YouTube, it was old news and I should focus on some "real" deals like Rust, Go, some extensive backend development. I started with code because I loved backend development.

I realised this recently, and also that I have a skill issue. But just doing nothing and contemplating my life choices wasn't gonna do anything. People around me are evolving. Something I always wanted to do. My friends, who I really like btw, are getting richer and richer because they put in the work and here I am, getting broke every single day. I have decided to change that.

I'm getting back on YouTube. I don't need to learn every piece of latest tech, I just need to create content around what I love. My career is entirely based on content. Content is all I have and I need to double down on it consistently.

The gap between me and "getting rich" is consistency. I know my abilities and I can put out some amazing content out there if I keep evolving. But that requires consistency. Only one thing I need to get rich in the future and perform all my dreams in real life is consistency.

I've been doing nothing meaningful after putting my consistency up in the air. I need to change that. Changing my habits is going to absolutely help with that. Changing habits one at a time.

I'm gonna put out some banger content, unhinged. I don't care if people call me cringe. I need to look for myself and keep pushing myself to greatness.

That's all for this thought.

Cya smellies!