Consistency is difficult

I often find that maintain consistency is a difficult job. Whenever I'm consistent, there's always this one phase that takes me down to the dark rabbit hole where I'm the most unproductive person on the planet. Yeah, it happens with me a lot.

I think the consistency run I'm currently having ever since December is really a good one. I've been consistently putting out content on my YouTube channel every week. I'm always thinking of new content ideas and ways I can improve my content delivery.

I can almost call it relapsing xD

The problem

In November, I purchased a gaming laptop to ease out my stress and (probably) depression. But as every dumb decision of mine, it turned out to be the worst decision for those few months. I kept on playing GTA Online. Four hours a day is not a healthy amount for me to be playing games.

Thankfully (or not), that laptop had an issue in the GPU, so the manufacturer agreed to a refund. So, I don't have the laptop to play games anymore. Good work. Now, I focus on making quality content.

Until...

One day in the previous two weeks I decide to play Brawl Stars for once. I open the game, see all the new updates, purchase the brawl pass like I used to do every other season (which lasts a month). I wanted the new skins and progression to unlock the next new character in the game.

But then, I found myself playing the game a lot longer, in order to make most out of the purchased brawl pass. Then I started playing ranked mode again, and I just kept falling into the rabbithole. I still wasn't disconnected to content but one night I almost forgot about planning for my content and that made me absolutely FURIOUS.

And why shouldn't I be furious on myself? I wasted time playing a stupid game when I should be upping my content game!

Then, I realised my mistake and started recording two videos. And then we reach the current time of me writing this thought. Yes, I just finished recording two videos. It felt good. I don't feel like playing games right now.

The solution

I think the solution is pretty harsh, I pretty much need to abandon playing games once and for all. If I ever return to gaming, I must confirm that I don't get addicted to it anymore. I see my previous trends of becoming addicted to games. In my 11th and 12th, I was pretty much addicted to Clash Royale, another game by Supercell.

Where is the game right now? I don't even play it. It's shit now, a pile of shit. I wasted such precious time playing a game that doesn't even matter to me now when I'm 22. This is what I need to realise.

If I'm gaming, I need to do it correct. I need to get into eSports and make some good amount of money, not casual and addictive gaming, it makes no sense at all.

Now, I think I'm gonna uninstall all the games off my phone and iPad and never install again. It's the express ticket to get my career fucked.

To me, right now, the most important thing is growing on YouTube and building good connections with high-value people in the community. I'm taking away a lot of time to gaming instead on focusing on content which could get me to achieving my goals slowly.

I've noticed that good dopamine always feels better than cheap dopamine. The happiness after working hard will always hit different and better than after playing games. Damn, these games even frustrate me when I rage quit over stupid and idiotic fucking teammates that I get in every goddamn game I play.

So, no games until I'm sanely confident that I don't get addicted to them.

Also, I need to up my content game ASAP, I need to challenge myself to be super consistent over the year.

This month, I need to basically prepare the content for the entire next month because I'll be travelling for a couple of weeks in April for personal reasons. And I want my YouTube channel to still have content while I'm not working on it. So I'll record videos now and schedule them to be uploaded when I'm out.

Alright, it's 4:31 AM, and I think it's time for me to sleep. If you made it here, thanks, very very thanks, because not a lot of people exist in this world to listen to me.

Anyways, gotta go. Later, smellies!